


I just hate you

by 4derangest2



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, FTM, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, No Romance, Other, Rape, Rape Recovery, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, tw transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-03-02 11:05:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18809800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4derangest2/pseuds/4derangest2
Summary: A new, strange enemy hedgehog appears and starts wrecking havoc all over, while Sonic and the others evacuate everyone, Shadow is tasked to contain him. But he seems too strong, even for him.





	1. The event in question

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read, please realize that this could be really triggering for some people, so please use discretion. I also want to mention that I do not have a kink for this sort of thing, and I will not treat rape as something "sexy", the only reason I write it is because I can't imagine many things that are worse than this, specially to a character like Shadow. Why is he trans? So I can relate more and for certain plot elements that will come in later chapters, there is NO extra "sexiness" in the fact that he's trans and even though it's important, it's not a core element. In short, I like writing traumatizing events and the aftermath, but there's no sexual enjoyment in this.

Propelled by the strongest punch he’d ever felt, Shadow went through a couple of walls of what had been a house at some point, losing momentum he hit the last one and slumped down, he didn’t have any more strength. The guy he was fighting seemed to be particularly focused on beating him to the verge of death, but not actually killing him, and he didn’t know why, he didn’t know where he had come from either, no one knew apparently, since his attack on the city had taken them all by surprise, even Dr. Robotnik didn’t have a clue about where this guy came from or what he wanted, which was unusual and unnerving.

The guy he was fighting didn’t look too special, he appeared to be a hedgehog, resembling Sonic more than Shadow. The only thing that made him stand out was his fur, which was black and iridescent with blue and purple colors, had he not been the enemy, Shadow would have probably allowed himself to thing he was kinda pretty. But there was no time for such things.

Sonic and the others were somewhere else, helping evacuate people from the city, he’d been in charge of containing this bastard for about an hour now and he could barely stand up anymore. Strangely enough, there wasn’t much containing to do, since when the enemy hedgehog had seen Sonic’s group and the rest, he had focused on them and lost all interest in destroying the city itself (which didn’t mean that the brutal ass beating Shadow was receiving hadn’t caused a significant amount of property damage).

Hearing the unnamed enemy approach, Shadow tried his best to stand up and appear tougher, he wasn’t about to let this guy see how tired he was, nor he was going to let him win and move on to Sonic, that’d be humiliating. This was his battle to fight.

As he stood up he winced in pain, there was definitely something broken in his ribcage.

“Still trying to fight back, Shadow?”

Shadow didn’t respond.

“You know, I’ve been watching you all for a while now, Sonic, Tails, knuckles… all you little celebrities” he said as he approached Shadow, slowly but firmly.

“I had plans to kill you all, so no one would stand in my way, but you, Shadow…”

Shadow tried to launch a punch towards the iridescent hedgehog, but he caught his fist without effort and then grabbed Shadow by the neck.

“I want to have some fun with you first. You awoke a special kind of anger in me, you see…” he continued as Shadow tried to free himself.

“I absolutely detest you, everything about you makes my skin crawl, your attitude, your view of the world, the way you talk, the way you boast and try to appear tougher than you are… and your damn ego” He laughed and then imitated Shadow’s voice mockingly “I’m the ultimate lifeform … Please, you’re a pathetic excuse for a wannabe anti-hero and you’re not even good at that”.

Shadow looked at him enraged, and clawed viciously at the hand seizing his neck, but to no avail.

“You’re ridiculous, and I want you to know that. So I thought -Why not teach this prick a lesson and humiliate him as much as possible? Why not break him completely before I kill him? Hell, I’ll even leave you alive for a while so that you live with the knowledge of what I did to you and internalize it properly”

The unnamed Hedgehog then threw Shadow at the wall again, this time he couldn’t stand back up and just coughed, glaring at his attacker.

“Good luck with that” Shadow said in between coughs.

The other hedgehog scowled and grabbed him by the shoulders, pinning him to the wall.

“See? That’s exactly what I’m talking about… but no worries, I don’t think you’ll ever be this cocky again once I’m done with you, even if in the end Sonic defeats me, I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that”.

The fact that this asshole didn’t even consider him, the ultimate lifeform, an opponent but thought that Sonic did qualify made Shadow’s guts boil in rage and humiliation. This couldn’t be happening, he was more powerful than Sonic… but then again, he had even taken off his rings, and it had done almost nothing to help, and he was so tired now, so so tired…

“You’re probably wondering what I’m going to do with you now” the enemy hedgehog smiled, interrupting Shadow’s train of thought.

Then to his surprise and disgust, he caressed Shadow’s cheek with his thumb, making him turn his head away quickly.

“You’re almost cute, when you’re vulnerable like this…” he laughed.

Shadow’s heart began to beat faster, what the fuck did that mean?

Then, the iridescent hedgehog gave him an uncanny half-smile.

“It will make it more fun to rape you”

Shadow froze.

No.

That wasn’t possible, what the fuck was this guy thinking?! In all his years the possibility of something like this happening had never been a concern in his mind, was he for real?!

The other hedgehog cackled loudly “Bet you didn’t expect that, did ‘cha?” Then without warning he pressed his body against Shadow’s and lowered his hand towards his genitals. Shadow started struggling desperately, he didn’t care about looking menacing anymore, he needed to get out of there, now, he couldn’t let him find out, if he did...

“Struggle all you want, you won’t be able to-

Upon touching him down there, he stopped surprised.

“You’re…?”

Then he snorted

“Oh shit!” he said snorting again “You’re one of those aren’t you?” He started laughing loudly “I can’t believe it! I would have never guessed you were actually a girl!”

Forcing himself between Shadow’s legs, he finally said “You’re making this too easy”

Then, with some difficulty, he thrust himself into him.

Shadow screamed through gritted teeth, it hurt, fuck, it hurt so much, he had never done anything like this before due to dysphoria and a lack of interest, and feeling this guy entering him without any sort of preparation felt like something was tearing inside of him. 

“STOP!!” he yelled, his characteristic collected and confident behavior thrown away in a desperate plea.

“Aww, does it hurt?” His assailant asked “From the feel of it I’m the first one, isn’t that right? I’m not gonna go any easier on you because of that”.

Shadow didn’t answer, he couldn’t bring himself to look at what was happening in front of him so he had his head turned to the side, eyes wide open, panting and looking for something, anything that could help him… but there was nothing, and the realization that he was getting raped and couldn’t do anything about it hit him like a truck. Everything started shattering around him.

“This only gets better by the second” the other hedgehog laughed. “I wasn’t expecting this to go so smoothly” Then he thrusted again, this time, it was easier since he was already inside, but it hurt like hell still, Shadow could feel his insides stretching and tearing. Death didn’t seem too bad at that moment.

‘What if someone finds out that this happened?’ the thought formed in his mind. Would this guy tell everyone after he was done? Would he tell them about him being trans too? If he did either or both, everything was over, there’s no way Shadow could come back from something like that. The look of pity and disgust everyone would give him… there was no way he could stand it. He had to do something, he had to kill this fucker.

But it was useless. He had no strength left.

Shadow didn’t stop struggling at any point, even knowing it was all in vain, his pride wouldn’t allow him to stop and let his rapist know that he had given up. He did his best not to yell any more and tightened his jaw, as minutes went by his grunts through gritted teeth transformed into sharp inhaling and exhaling, he was about to pass out, he didn’t want to but… wouldn’t that be easier? Everything hurt so much, and at this point there was nothing he could do to stop his attacker from finishing what he started. But he couldn’t give up, no matter what, he had to at least have the knowledge that he fought till the end; if he didn’t, there would be nothing he could grab onto.

As time went on, Shadow wished he could just slip away, but concentrating on struggling ended up making it so that he was painfully aware of everything happening to him, he tried to focus on something else, like the feeling of his hands, trying to get his assailant off of him; or the back of his head, being pushed onto the wall behind and scraping on it’s rough, dusty surface. But he couldn’t, everything came back to the pain that he felt inside of him as he was forcefully penetrated time and time again. Everything seemed cristal clear and oversaturated, and the revolting moans his attacker was letting out were loud on his ear, he was doing it on purpose, he knew it, he wanted to show Shadow how much he was enjoying doing this.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the other hedgehog finished inside of him, and pulled out. Exhaling, he cupped Shadow’s cheek in his hand.

“They say that you never forget your first time… I hope that’s true for you” 

Giving his head a small pat, he stood up. Then he brushed the dirt off his fur and started floating away. Shadow tried desperately to stand up and follow him, but he only succeeded on face planting painfully against the cold floor. His whole bottom half screamed in pain and prevented him from moving.

Turning around one last time, his assailant said “I’ll make sure your friends arrive soon, I would love to see how they react” then he disappeared, giving him a cruel smile.

Shadow looked down, panting as his eyes started to well up with tears.

No, he wasn’t going to cry because of this, no matter how humiliated and disgusting he felt, he couldn’t cry because he knew that his attacker was still watching somehow.

He lay his back against the wall, still breathing hard, he felt liquid trickling down his legs, he didn’t want to look, he knew that there wasn’t just blood in there.

With that thought he turned his head to the side and vomited.

‘What now?’ He thought, he had just been raped, what was he supposed to do now? What came after something like this?

Shadow closed his eyes tightly, everything in his body screamed pain and disgust but his brain still didn’t catch up with everything. He knew that soon there would be no way of denying to himself that he’d been brutally and humiliatingly raped, but he could try and make sure no one else knew. He attempted to move again but realized he had started shaking so hard that he couldn’t. Was he in shock? Probably. Whatever, he was about to pass out anyway.

Right at that moment Shadow heard a familiar voice call out his name, shit, it was Sonic, he still sounded really far away but he would surely find him soon. He was probably not going to suspect anything about what had happened, how could he? This situation was so improbable that it wasn’t even a possibility for them, who the fuck would want to do something like this? It was too far-fetched. Physically, there was too much blood for anything specific to stand out. It would just look like he had been beaten to a pulp and nothing else, unless they looked at his crotch. He forced himself to look down, then he looked away and vomited again, sure enough, not just blood in there. He tried to wipe it off, and it worked well enough. That calmed him a little, there was no way Sonic or the others would figure it out on their own now.

Then a terrifying thought crossed Shadow’s mind.

-What if they take you to the hospital?-

Shit shit shit shit shit shit

He had to do something, but what?

Time was up, he saw sonic turn the corner and run towards him, followed by Tails, Amy and Knuckles.

“Shadow!!” Sonic yelled.

Shadow couldn’t respond.

“Oh this is bad, this is very bad… Arrgh I shouldn’t have let you deal with that guy alone! But you won didn’t you? At least for now I mean, we saw him disappear! That’s how we found you”

Shadow wanted to tell him to stop yelling, but then Sonic reached out to him, and instinctively he moved away, falling down in the process.

“Do- don’t fucking touch me” he panted weakly.

“Whoa, easy there, Shadow” Sonic was shocked by his reaction.

The world started spinning.

As everything went dark, he heard Amy say “We have to get him to a hospital!”

It was over.


	2. Direct aftermath and worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath, reminiscent of something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, what was the rest of this chapter is under rewriting because it was really badly done.

The next time he woke up, Shadow was on a hospital bed, he could see a nurse doing something to his left. She was an older lady, dark skinned and with her hair in a bun. Probably fifty-something. 

‘This is it’ he thought, he was too weak to escape right now, but maybe… maybe he could refuse treatment before they knew anything? He could do that, right?

He sat up with a lot of effort and the nurse turned around. She smiled warmly, but she looked sad. 

“Hi… Shadow right?”

He nodded.

“I saw you in the news, you and your friends were very brave out there”

He said nothing.

She noticed Shadow was shaking, she stepped closer to him, and he immediately tensed up, ears flat on his head.

“Hey... “ she said softly “it’s okay”

Shadow tightened his jaw, embarrassed by his reaction.

Then his heart started beating faster and he looked to the side, now that he was awake, the memories started replaying in his head, and the discomfort he felt by sitting made it all to real. 

He clenched his fists and shut his eyes tightly.

“Sadow, look at me for a second”

He glared at her, but didn’t say anything.

“I know this is hard but it’s routine, we’re going to have to conduct some tests for any wounds and infections you may have gotten from the assault” She said it as gently as she could.

Shadow felt his heart stop. She knew, he could tell by her voice, with the word assault she didn’t mean “having the shit beaten out of you”.

He shook his head, still shaking but not saying anything. 

No… no… this was too much, if he let them do it, everything would be written down somewhere and there would be no way of denying to himself it happened since it would be in record. It was stupid, or maybe not, but in his brain the fact that what had happened wasn't "official" as in written down somewhere, meant that it could be lost, forgotten, never talked about again.

The nurse sighed, this was always a hard thing to do “Shadow, we need to check-

Shadow interrupted her, saying in a voice that was trying too hard not to break, “How did you know he raped me?”

The nurse sighed and looked at him sadly, pressing her lips tightly together. Then she gently placed her hand on top of his head, stroking it slowly. He sighed and placed his forehead on her shoulder, he was too tired to care, there was nothing he could do if she already knew.

“Don’t let the others know” He pleaded flatly.

“They won’t” She whispered.


	3. They know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They know

Back outside, Sonic and the rest were waiting to hear how Shadow was doing. Rouge wasn’t there yet, but she was on her way, Eggman wasn’t invited. 

The nurse stepped into the hallway and everyone looked at her expectantly.

“He’ll be okay, but he must stay for a couple of days to recover”

Everyone let out a collective breath of relief, Sonic sighed and slumped in his chair, he couldn’t help but feel guilty, it had been his idea to leave Shadow fighting that guy while they evacuated the citizens, he should have stayed. Now Rouge was gonna kill him, he slumped even further down his chair at the thought of what awaited him.

“What room is he in? Can we see him?” Tails asked.

“206, but you can’t see him yet, he’s asleep right now because of the pain medication, but you’ll be able to see him in a couple of hours.” The nurse answered.

“Uuuugh I hate waiting” said Sonic

In that moment Rouge entered the room out of breath.

“Where is he?! Is he okay?!”

“He’s stable but-“

“Sonic I’m going to murder you” The bat growled, interrupting the nurse.

Sonic smiled nervously.

“If you’re going to fight, do it outside of the hospital” the nurse said, a little annoyed.

“Understood” Rouge said, still glaring at Sonic.

They sat in silence, everyone was completely exhausted from everything that had gone down that day. 

They were all sort of dozing off when a male nurse crossed the waiting room and turning to the other nurse, who was now sitting on a desk doing some paperwork, he asked-

“Which room’s the rape test for? 206 right?”

The nurse looked at him with eyes wide open in disbelief, then she nodded towards the group sitting in front of her. The male nurse turned around and realized, startled, that there were people there.

“Ah shit, sorry” he whispered towards the woman and walked away quickly.

“Jeez what an inconsiderate prick” said Sonic “you can’t just say stuff like that out-“

He was interrupted by tails’ quivering voice

“Sonic that’s Shadow’s room”

A heavy silence fell on the group.

“What do you mean that’s Shadow’s- how do you know that?!” Rouge said, Panic setting in.

“He’s right, that’s Shadow’s room, the nurse said so before” It was Knuckles who responded this time.

No one else dared to say anything else for a minute. Until Sonic, who had his eyes and mouth wide open the whole time snapped out of it.

“A RA- What do you mean a- WHAT?!” He stammered, not wanting to say the word.

“Oh my god…” Rouge sat on the ground grabbing her head.

“We can’t be sure though! There might be a mistake! It’s just a test right? There’s nothing definite!” Sonic said nervously. Then he turned to the nurse, who had been avoiding looking at them the whole time. “He wasn’t … you know, right?!”

The nurse sighed and nervously said “I can’t disclose information that might compromise-

“Oh my god…” Rouge said, interrupting the nurse.

“He was… oh no, oh no, oh no!!” Sonic was frantic “Why would he do such a thing?!”

Amy placed her hand on Sonic’s shoulder “Sonic, calm down please, we don’t need to know the specifics, the only things that matter now are that Shadow recovers and that we defeat that monster if he appears again”.

Knuckles scoffed “Of course he’s gonna appear again! Do you think he just came to ra-“ he stopped himself “to do… that, and then leave?”

Amy sighed “well, no”

Looking to the side she realized Tails was crying, it made sense, he was really young and he shouldn’t be exposed to this kind of thing.

Amy pulled the fox closer, he hugged her and she stroked his head, trying to calm him.

The nurse stood up and in a very serious voice she said “You were not supposed to know this, you must understand that what that nurse did is a serious violation of the patient’s privacy and you have to be careful from now on. I would suggest you avoid the subject until he decides to tell you himself”.

“He will never do that though, how are we supposed to support him? Convince him to get help? He will never admit that he needs it on his own.” Rouge answered, worried.

The nurse sighed “These cases are complicated, we can’t force him to get help if he doesn’t want to. But you can still support him without directly approaching the subject, you have to be careful not to be too intrusive though. Give him space, but let him know he’s safe, and if he wants to open up, listen to him”.

“Geez” Was all Sonic could say, what had happened to Shadow was a shocking revelation to say the least, stuff like that seemed so distant and impossible, it just… didn’t happen, and to Shadow? What the hell, he seemed so cool and untouchable all the time, how does something like that happen to someone like him? 

Why Shadow anyway? And why rape him? Why go to the lengths of doing something like that to someone? It didn’t make any sense to him, just what reason could this bastard have had for doing something that horrible? And what did he gain from that?

Meanwhile, Rouge was thinking about the repercussions this would have for Shadow. He was proud, too proud for his own good. It was as if his attacker wanted to completely shatter all that, And knowing her friend, he probably succeeded, at least to some degree. But his pride was Shadow’s way of defending himself emotionally, and it would prevent him from seeking help, which he would obviously need after something like this, who wouldn’t? She didn’t wish this sort of trauma on anyone.

She sighed. Wondering what Shadow would do when he woke up, and afraid of the possibilities.


End file.
